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Quotes, Quips and Tips to Enrich Your Life

“The life which is unexamined is not worth living.”
— Plato

“A wise man will desire no more than what he may get justly, use soberly, distribute cheerfully, and leave contently.”
— Benjamin Franklin

“May you live all the days of your life.”
— Jonathan Swift

“If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.”
— Emily Dickinson

“Trouble is only opportunity in work clothes.”
— Henry J. Kaiser

“No one can make you inferior without your consent.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”
— Helen Keller

“Keeping score of old scores and scars, getting even and one-upping always make you less than you are.”
— Malcolm Forbes

“Faith is like radar that sees through the fog—the reality of things at a distance that the human eye cannot see.”
— Corrie ten Boom

Explosions aren’t as bad as erosions.

Conflicts are differences heated up.

When your outgo exceeds your income, your upkeep becomes your downfall.

Live every day as though it were your last. One day, you’re bound to be right.

Some Lessons Learned About Life

Dave Barry, syndicated columnist and author)

• The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

• People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.

• The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

• The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

• There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

The ABCs of Happiness

Aspire to reach your potential.
Believe in yourself.
Create a good life.
Dream about what you might become.
Exercise frequently.
Forgive honest mistakes.
Glorify the creative spirit.
Humor yourself and others.
Imagine great things.
Joyfully live each day.
Kindly help other.
Love one another.
Meditate daily.
Nurture the environment.
Organize for harmonius action.
Praise performance well done.
Question most things.
Regulate your own behavior.
Smile often.
Think rationally.
Understand yourself.
Value life.
Work for the common good.
X-ray and carefully examine problems.
Yearn to improve.
Zestfully pursue happiness.

— Robert Valett

Source: George Carlin, comedian and author

• If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

• If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

• If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

• Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

• Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

• When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

• “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?

• If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Points to Ponder

• Don’t be irreplaceable––if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

• You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

• Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

• If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts.

• When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

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